6 Kitschy Kitchen Things You (Probably) Do Not Need

by Kim on May 9, 2012

There are two stores I love to visit for no purpose other than to dink around in them: Target (of course) and TJ Maxx. I would happily do store-dinkings (a new word you’re welcome to incorporate into your life) daily if it was possible to do them without unnecessarily spending gobs of money. It’s amazing how many things you had no idea you needed until you see them in the store (and they’re on sale!!). I envision the CEOs of Target and TJ Maxx twirling in giant chairs, steepling their hands and laughing while watching footage of me frantically dumping gum and batteries in my cart in the check-out lane. (Remember Dr. Claw from the Inspector Gadget cartoons? That’s how they look! Just an arm with a spiked cuff, and an evil cat.)

The best part about TJ Maxx is the Home Goods section. (It’s definitely NOT the baby section, where they stock no more than 4 crappy overpriced outfits in each infant size at any given time–don’t waste your time!) But in Home Goods, you never know what random stuff you’re going to find–it’s like a high-end garage sale! The other day, I was having a blast browsing in the kitchenware, where they have things like…

1. Bloom Brooms. In case your broom isn’t sexy enough, which it probably isn’t, or from a decade other than the 70’s, which is also not ideal.

2. Statement Gloves. Why not? Next time you’re on your hands and knees scrubbing behind the toilet, you can look down and think “dang, my forearms look good in leopard print, and I love how they match my underwear.” No one has to know. About either of those things.

3. Magnetic Measuring Spoon. Maybe I don’t understand the purpose of this thing, but I envision you going “I need a teaspoon STAT–oh thank God, there’s one right here, conveniently stuck to the fridge!” I’m by no means questioning the urgency of teaspoon emergencies, but is your baking drawer that much less accessible? Am I missing something?

4. Strawberry Slicer. How many strawberries do you need to slice on a daily basis to necessitate a tool devoted to it? Or maybe this makes those crazy strawberry slice fans for garnish (like this)…but again, how could you ever justify owning one of these?

5. Colorful Kitchen Tools. I just like these. I think they’re supposed to be ergonomic too, but I’m not sure how? Possibly they’re so bright and cheerful that they make you happier, which in turn makes you stand up a little straighter, sparing your back.

6. Very Specifically-Purposed Containers. So cute, yet so limited in usefulness. Can you imagine if you started a recipe thinking you had a tomato in the fridge, when in reality, someone had inexplicably put a lime in there instead?

So I didn’t actually purchase any of those things…but they were fun to look at.

What I did purchase was this springy outfit:

Top with droopy front*=great for breastfeeding

Pinkish capris=so hot right now (bonus: they actually fit, unlike so many of my other pants these days)

I was really torn about whether I should actually buy these or not, but the cheeky dressing room signage talked me into it:

Shameless, TJ Maxx!!

*I realize there’s a more formal name for this than “droopy front,” but “cowl neck” always sounds kinda gross to me.

Check it out:


{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Laura May 9, 2012 at 7:14 pm

Glad you’re as psyched about the alcohol studies as I was – that was a fun one to research :)


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