Enough.

by Kim on September 18, 2013

I should have seen it coming. I was asking for it, really.

Remember this post?? I’ve been a crazy person lately, stressing myself out with a thousand big ideas and aggressive goals and outrageous expectations. (The funny part is, I actually cut a few things from that post because the number of Big Things going on in my head looked embarrassingly high even to my own eyes. And the thing I was thinking about the MOST isn’t even on there.)

Then there’s all the traveling we’ve been doing (Florida, Boston, the cabin trip, etc. etc. etc.) combined with all the sleepless nights that go along with traveling with Mason…sprinkle on the stress of a weekend spent mingling with people I don’t know (plus more travel and sleepless nights), and I had the perfect recipe for breakdown.

So I went to the Healthy Living Summit over the weekend, and it was awesome (even the mingling part!), and I’m dying to tell you all about it. (And I will—soon!) I left Minneapolis with big eyes and—what else—a thousand more ideas for my blog and my future.

I even picked this notebook up at TJ Maxx—technically, because I needed a new notebook—but you can tell where my head was at in my choice:

20130918_141819

I could tell I was getting sick toward the end of the weekend, but instead of resting, I went out for an unnecessarily-aggressive run, even stopping at a playground bench for a bazillion push-ups and tricep dips.

Finally, my body said: ok. That’s enough.

Enough stress, enough thinking, enough traveling, enough planning. E-frickin-nough.

So I’ve been sick. Not the “oh this darn head cold” kind of sick, but the “I can’t get off the couch and every inch of my body hurts and Mason has watched 3 hours of TV today (and his brain has probably melted)” kind.

20130917_082121I was pretty darn grateful for this little gift Wild Harvest sent all the HLS participants. Did you anticipate this, WH??

It started Monday, when we finally drove back home after spending some time at the in-laws post-HLS, and it’s just starting to clear up now. The time in between there is a big fog for me.

Last night, I even ended up in the ER. (Oh, so much joy pouring out of this post!!) I’d had kind of a dull headache since I first got sick, but yesterday afternoon, it turned into a migraine. And then it progressed into The Migraine to End All Migraines.

Have you guys experienced these horrible things before??

I’d thought I had, but I’d never experienced anything like THAT before. I won’t even hesitate to take labor over it if I had the choice right now.

As long as I laid perfectly still on the couch with a bag of frozen peas on my head and my fingers pressed hard into my temple and left eyeball in just the right way, the pain was tolerable. But every time I stood up to use the bathroom or, you know, take care of my son or something (luckily, Brent was home by the time it got really bad), I’d feel a rush of nausea and starry-eyed dizziness to the point where I’d end up literally crawling up the stairs.

Eventually, during one of those painful trips to the bathroom, I hit The Wall. I recognized it as the same exact feeling I’d had in the middle of my labor with Mason, going natural with the Pitocin cranked up, where I just suddenly felt like I’d lost control. That feeling is what did me in then (I asked for an epidural immediately), and it did me in last night, too.

I started crying—like, really intense ugly crying—which is possibly the worst thing you can do when you have a headache. So now my throbbing head was throbbing even harder, I couldn’t stop crying, and, worst of all, there was that panicky out-of-control feeling. I just wanted out. Whatever it took.

Then, other weird things started happening. I felt my face get all tingly, then my hands, then my feet…and there was this strange, tight feeling on the right side of my chest that I realized had been there for a few hours…and I thought, oh geez, am I having a stroke now??

Insert more panic and hysteria, a frantic phone call to my mom the nurse (who directed us to the ER—and when a nurse tells you to go to the ER, you go), another frantic phone call to a friend to come sit with a sleeping Mason, and we were on the road. It was around 10 PM…why does stuff like this always have to happen late at night? Newton’s other law.

I glanced in the car mirror on the way and decided this would officially be the grossest I’d ever looked in public. It made the Me of Childbirth look like a super model (and she’s no treat).

It took a couple different meds and good 2 hours in the ER to get the headache under control, but it finally eased up enough for me to head home, take some Benadryl, and pass out.

I’m so, so grateful for my wonderful husband, who didn’t complain through this whole ordeal even though, minutes before everything hit the fan, he’d been talking about how much work he had to do that night. (Allow me to help get you off the hook! Always the thoughtful wife, aren’t I?)

When I woke up this morning, the headache was still there, throbbing away. The doctor had been kind enough to write me a prescription for the med he’d used in the hospital, but we hadn’t bothered to fill it the night before, since I figured I was on my way to recovery-ville. I took some acetaminophen to tide me over until I could get to Walgreens, and somehow, it was actually enough!

So, as I write this, I’m finally, finally headache-free. And it’s the most clear-minded I’ve felt in a long time.

So now, I’m thinking hard about cutting back. Something’s going to go. Something has to go.

And most importantly: I have to learn how to let go. In general. That out-of-control feeling probably wouldn’t be so debilitating to me if I wasn’t so obsessed with being in control, of everything, all the time.

There’s another big, crazy element that complicates this whole story, but I’ll have to tell you about that tomorrow. I have a little boy up from his nap who hasn’t seen his mom in 2 days—just some empty shell of a person.

And now that I’ve been emptied, I’m going to be much more careful and strategic about how I fill myself back up.

Thanks for reading this weird, dramatic post…I promise I’ll be back to normal very soon! :)

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{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }

Jen September 24, 2013 at 12:43 pm

I know this is days late, but I just read this and really hope you’re still feeling better! I was getting super worried the more I read… I’m always a phone call away if you need anything!

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Kim September 24, 2013 at 1:02 pm

Thanks, friend! It was a crazy night (slash week), but doing much better now. :)

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Rachel B @ Busy Mama Fitness September 23, 2013 at 5:37 pm

Oh honey… that’s so scary. I’ve had a migraine like that and i thought I was having a stroke too… ugh. I’m so sorry you had to go through that – and I think you are definitely intrepreting what your body is telling you correctly!!! Take care of yourself, girl!
Rachel B @ Busy Mama Fitness recently posted…Setting Goals Apart from RunningMy Profile

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Kim September 24, 2013 at 12:26 pm

It actually makes me feel SO much better to hear that. I felt kinda embarrassed after the whole stroke/ER thing, like I was just being super melodramatic. But I’ve had migraines before and this was a whole different ballgame. I hate that feeling of having no idea what’s going on with my body!

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Kristin @ A Mom on the Run September 20, 2013 at 9:29 am

Big hugs, Kim! I hope you’re feeling MUCH better!!

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Shannon September 19, 2013 at 10:45 am

Kim, So sorry you were so miserable! Being a busy toddler mom on top of a whopper of a migraine is unimaginable. Hope you are feeling more your self and get back to being the best you that you can be after this!
Shannon recently posted…Healthy Living Summit 2013: Day 1 and 2My Profile

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Katie September 19, 2013 at 9:42 am

I would love to give you a big hug right now! Find your balance, say ‘NO” to everything you want to. We all would rather have you happy and healthy than spreading yourself too thin.
Katie recently posted…Giveaway, 4 Sleeps and Dara TorresMy Profile

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Kim September 19, 2013 at 1:36 pm

I would love to accept that hug. :) Thanks Katie!

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Giselle@myhealthyhappyhome September 18, 2013 at 11:08 pm

Oh my gosh you poor thing! I’m so sorry you have not only been under the weather but in a bad way! Ugh, I’ve only had a few migraines that have knocked me down for the count. They don’t sound half as bad as what you had though! Get some rest and hopefully you are 100% betters soon!
Giselle@myhealthyhappyhome recently posted…Almost Wordless WednesdayMy Profile

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Kim September 19, 2013 at 1:35 pm

Thanks Giselle!

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Emily @ Perfection Isn't Happy September 18, 2013 at 8:14 pm

I’m so sorry that you felt so terrible! I started getting major sickness/anxiety/stress-induced symptoms when I was in college, from overdoing it, so I’ve kind of embraced saying “no” and stepping back from things. It’s amazing how greatly stress can affect our bodies! I’m so glad that you’re feeling better now!
Emily @ Perfection Isn’t Happy recently posted…Healthy Living Summit 2013 {Day Two}My Profile

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Kim September 19, 2013 at 1:35 pm

Stress is such a beast!!

Thanks Emily!

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Kim @ Hungry Healthy Girl September 18, 2013 at 7:22 pm

Wow…. so sorry you were feeling so awful. Hope things are on the up swing and you feel better from here on out. Love the notebook!
Kim @ Hungry Healthy Girl recently posted…What I Ate at the Healthy Living SummitMy Profile

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Kim September 19, 2013 at 1:34 pm

I love it too! :) Super random/lucky find.

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Lisa @ Lisa Living Well September 18, 2013 at 6:35 pm

That sounds like an awful experience. I hope you don’t have to go through that again anytime soon! Take care of yourself and rest up.
Lisa @ Lisa Living Well recently posted…Europe Trip Recap: Rothenburg ob der Tauber, GermanyMy Profile

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Kim September 19, 2013 at 1:32 pm

Thank you Lisa!

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sarah @ sarah learns September 18, 2013 at 6:20 pm

oh no oh no! i get migraines too (thankfully not very often), and they are awful. i’ve never had one to that epic level though. i’m so sorry you had to go through that! i’m glad you’re feeling better though.

it’s always so hard to let go of some things and admit that they just won’t work at this point in your life. not fun. good luck & know that it’s definitely for the best!
sarah @ sarah learns recently posted…what i ateMy Profile

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Kim September 19, 2013 at 1:31 pm

Thanks Sarah! It was kind of embarrassing to go to the ER for a headache of all things, but they really can get that bad! So glad it’s over.

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Katie @ Daily Cup Of Kate September 18, 2013 at 6:10 pm

Oh my gosh that sounds awful!! Glad you are feeling better. Migraines are the WORST and unexplainable to someone who has never had one. Take it easy!!
Katie @ Daily Cup Of Kate recently posted…Single Serving Protein BitesMy Profile

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Kim September 19, 2013 at 1:31 pm

So true! Thanks Katie.

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Ashley @ My Food N Fitness Diaries September 18, 2013 at 5:33 pm

Oh girl, I’m so sorry. I’m glad to hear you’re feeling better today though! I have to constantly remind myself that I can’t do everything… I wish, but then I get in trouble when I try. Hang in there! xo
Ashley @ My Food N Fitness Diaries recently posted…WIAW #98: Wonky AppetiteMy Profile

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Kim September 19, 2013 at 1:30 pm

For real. I’m not very good at remembering that either!

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Tiffany September 18, 2013 at 5:32 pm

Oh Kim, very worrisome and I’m sure a very long last few days! I had a weird medical-type event about 2 years ago at a friend’s (although not as dramatic as yours) in which I was fine one minute then puking and dizzy the next. I didn’t end up in the ER but had to be picking up by my parents (yep embarassing) and definitely didn’t feel great for a few days. I still have no idea what caused it.
I hope you are able to clear your head and the worries and look forward. Sending love from MN!

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Kim September 19, 2013 at 1:30 pm

Wow, that sounds super weird!! Thanks for the love Tiff!

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Kim September 18, 2013 at 5:21 pm

Yuck – sorry that you have been feeling so miserable and then the whole migraine/hospital ordeal. Glad that today you are feeling better!
And, yep, sometimes you have to throw in the towel on at least some areas of life to make the other areas really great!!
Kim recently posted…Spreading SunshineMy Profile

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Kim September 19, 2013 at 1:30 pm

Very true!!

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Katie @ running4cupcakes September 18, 2013 at 4:35 pm

Oh Kim!! I am so glad you are feeling better, what an ordeal. . . and even more stressful when you have to take care of a busy toddler!! Can’t wait to hear more about how you are letting go and cutting back. :)

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Kim September 19, 2013 at 1:29 pm

Yes, the toddler part was definitely the biggest challenge of it all.

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Katie @ Live Half Full September 18, 2013 at 4:28 pm

I hope you’re feeling better soon!

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Kim September 19, 2013 at 1:29 pm

Thanks Katie!

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