When is it time to unfollow someone?

by Kim on September 12, 2014

Hey guys! I have no idea how it’s Friday already.

I still don’t quite feel like I have my life-with-two-kiddos rhythm down yet, so my days are all a big blur right now. But we’re getting there!

This isn’t an official Friday Favs post, but there are a few things I’ve been loving this week that I wanted to tell ya about…

–This quiche:

quiche

I’ve been trying some recipes out of the Trim Healthy Mama book I recently picked up at the library (you can read all about the book here and here), and this was a winner. SO simple—literally just 12 eggs + 2 c. cheese + salt and pep, along with whatever extras you want (I added leftover cooked/diced bacon and frozen spinach).

Since this is a high-fat “satisfying” meal, per the THM method, it has to be low-carb. (The idea is to center your meal around fat or carbs, but NOT both, along with protein.) Which means: no crust.

BUT if you MUST have crust… (and I must…) the book offers an easy low-carb alternative. 1 1/2 cups of almond flour + 2 egg whites (I added the leftover yolks to the quiche mix) got me this:

quiche crust

It was fantastic! The husband noticed it was a little blander than regular crust, but the texture was dead on, and it definitely satisfied that “I NEED CARBS at every meal” knee-jerk.

These DIY wall gallery kits:

20140912_092740

(Don’t mind the bulldozer stickers on the front…I just noticed those, ha…)

We have a giant blank space above our couch in the main living area, and I’ve been trying to find something to put there for—honestly—years. (I tell myself I like the super minimalist look, but that’s not completely true…)

I picked these up on sale at Michaels’ a few weeks ago (pre-baby, which is why I haven’t touched them since) and now just need frames to put them in. I was super impressed with the quality of the prints, and there’s also a pretty extensive guide inside on different gallery wall configurations you can follow.

–Zevia sodas:

20140912_092918

For some reason, I’ve been having these intense soda cravings lately and I just haven’t been able to stop thinking about it, so I ran out and grabbed these last night.

They aren’t the most nutritious things in the world, but they’re also not the worst things you can drink. At least they don’t include aspartame, although they do have caramel color (thought to be a carcinogen) and those elusive “natural flavors” (vague much?).

I doubt that I’ll “get into” them, but they’re satisfying that craving for now.

So! On to the topic of the day…

I’m in a pickle guys. (Who says that?? No one. Disregard.)

How do you know when it’s time to unfollow someone?

There’s this person I follow, who, first of all, I completely admire. She’s extremely successful in her work, has amassed a huge fan base, and is clearly very knowledgeable and passionate about what she does. I’ve learned a ton from her, and—let’s be honest—I want to BE her a little bit. (Or a lot.)

But she’s also a little too perfect. She looks like a model in every picture she posts, she’s a never-miss-a-5-AM-workout kind of girl, she always has something brilliant and interesting to say on social media, AND she has kids. Oh, and her most recent kid came into the world (2 weeks early and 9 pounds healthy) after just 2 hours of labor and 6 minutes of pushing.

I’ll admit: it’s that last part that’s affected me the most. Despite working out and taking great care of my body through my entire pregnancy, per the promise that it would lead to a quicker labor (along with the fact that everyone promised me a faster second labor), I still ended up with a 15-hour labor and an hour of pushing. Now, how can I encourage anyone else to stay active during pregnancy when it clearly didn’t “work” (huge, huge quotes) for me?

I was almost in tears yesterday, thinking about it and comparing myself to this girl. I couldn’t help it. I know all pregnancies/bodies are different, but what did I do “wrong”?

Not to be all negative on a Friday, but it gets worse. The next phase of following this girl will likely involve watching her get her pre-baby body back super quickly, while my body clings to the extra weight. You’re welcome to say “you don’t know that!” but I know my body, and I know people with bodies like hers, and while I’ve generally made my peace with all of that in life, this is a particularly vulnerable time for me and my confidence is naturally a little weaker than usual.

Is it something I’ll be able to handle, during this time when my self esteem is most fragile? Do I keep following her, knowing that it’ll probably cause me a few sad moments down the road, or do I cut ties until I’m “back on my feet”?

Then again, is anyone ever back on their feet”" enough to not feel like less in the face of perceived perfection?

So what do you think? Keep following/unfollow??

What are the unfollow rules?

 

I’d love to hear your thoughts!!

xoxo

Kim

{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }

Madelyn Moon September 25, 2014 at 12:19 pm

I talk about this a lot on my podcast. Social media is incredibly deceptive.

It’s not bad by any means, but it leads people to believe other people’s lives, bodies, relationships, meals, etc are better than yours. And subconsciously, this can create envy through comparisons.

I 100% think you should unfollow. If it’s on your mind enough to motivate you to sit down and write this, it’s definitely taking up too much space in your creative, unique brain.

Replace their account with an account about kittens. Cause who doesn’t love kittens.

ps. Yes ZEVIA!

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Melissa @ Freeing Imperfections September 19, 2014 at 9:25 am

Wow, I love your honest thoughts here! I feel the same exact way about a few successful bloggers I follow. I have unfollowed some people because they make really weird comments on Twitter or are clearly trying to project a perfect lifestyle. But I come to find that most people don’t share it all on their blogs. If you looked in her life, you’d probably find a ton of things that you are so happy you DON’T have to deal with or that you do better than her. We are all different.

I think we all have the right to control what makes it into our social media feeds. Whether the problem is with you or her or a little bit of both, it’s clearly not healthy or adding to your life. However, if you remove her, will you still wonder what she is up to, how her post-baby body is recovering? Will you still beat yourself up about it? If so, maybe it’s better to look to yourself to make some changes to how you look at things online.

But trust me, I am right there with you. How can someone be so skinny and perfect and have totally healthy meals planned while working 2 full time jobs and still have time to blog every day? Those are usually the thoughts going through my head when I get frustrated.
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Amanda @ Diary of a Semi-Health Nut September 18, 2014 at 11:54 pm

I don’t think people should take offense personally when you unfollow them (although easier said than done..I checked my IG unfollows one time…could not stop thinking about the one person I knew who unfollowed me..even though I had so many new follows!).

Really it’s up to you whether the person you’re following is right for you. Social media and blogs are so tricky in that you don’t want to be complaining all the time about rough circumstances (people will get tired of it) BUT you don’t want to only show your good moments (people will get jealous and not like it). I think we all need to remember that social media isn’t 100% true. I have to intentionally remind myself to share some of my goofs on social media because I really only think to share something when I’m excited about it.

Another note on unfollowing: I unfollow IG accounts with too many perfect ab pictures because it makes me start obsessing over my (lack of visible) abs. It’s not that person’s fault, but I just can’t handle it and I feel bad every time I see one!
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Katie Levans September 18, 2014 at 8:12 pm

Personally, this is an unfollow moment for me. I find that no matter how good, how talented, how well-meaning someone’s online persona is, the real question becomes: What am I doing with this filtered snapshot this person has offered up? If the answer is that I’m making myself miserable over something that was intended to be positive, it’s time for me to remove it from my life. That’s my responsibility. I unfollow ruthlessly–not necessarily at the fault of anything but my own neuroses. I think that’s ok. :)

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Heidi @ Idlehide September 15, 2014 at 11:12 am

I understand this completely! I felt like this after I had my little guy as well. Unfollowing people is just what you need to do sometimes! Also remember that people only ever post the good things! ;) I follow someone who (I think) thinks they’re perfect and it totally cracks me up! She looks amazing, but I totally get the vibes that she thinks she is hot stuff.
P.S I think you are looking great, healthy and happy!
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Carrie September 14, 2014 at 5:11 pm

Take a break from her, at least for now. No need to have you comparing yourself to her and causing yourself to get upset. You are YOU & as long as you are happy that is all that matters. BTW, it took me almost 6 years to finally loose all the extra baby weight I was carring, so don’t sweat it one bit! ( :
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Giselle September 12, 2014 at 11:54 pm

You have to do what’s best for your sanity and health. She’s not going to know if you unfollow her and you can always return in the future if you find yourself missing her posts. Ultimately YOU and you’re family are the ones that matter so you have to do what’s best for you :-)
Love the Almond Flour Quiche crust! I’ve never thought of that but am definitely going to be using that!
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Kim September 13, 2014 at 4:04 pm

Thanks Giselle. And yes, you have to try the crust!
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cait @pieceofcait September 12, 2014 at 9:55 pm

i would totally unfollow someone if it made me feel that way. sometimes its best NOT to see those things. sometimes they can make us angry, wish we were in their position. She maybe posting just her BEST parts, so always remember that .. social media can be tricky! DO whats best for you and maybe taking a break from her posts :)

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Kim September 13, 2014 at 4:05 pm

Yeah maybe a temporary unfollow is the way to go!

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Jenni @ Fitzala September 12, 2014 at 9:39 pm

I unfollow people all the time! It’s really not a big deal. You can pick back up later where you left off when you’re feeling like you’re in a better place.

Think of it this way – she probably only posts the great parts of her life. If there really isn’t any “downers” or struggles that she talks about, it’s obvious that she only posts the good stuff. I take a lot of stuff at face value because anyone can put ANYTHING on the internet. If she’s not real and it’s affecting you, then ditch her!

Seriously though, you’re doing great. You give a lot of women hope and valuable, applicable information. Just trust the process, you’ll get there!
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Kim September 13, 2014 at 4:09 pm

Thanks Jenni, that means a lot! The challenge is that I DO learn a lot from her and would like to continue to learn…I just wish it wasn’t at such a cost to my ego. :) :) You’re right that I’m sure she has struggles too…although I can’t really imagine what they are, haha. Thanks for the support and advice!

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Karen September 12, 2014 at 5:20 pm

Totally fine to unfollow!
If it makes you feel better, your blog is one of my very favorites to read because your blog voice is hilarious yet real. Sometimes the “perfect” ones are too unrelatable
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Kim September 13, 2014 at 4:10 pm

Wow what a huge compliment, thanks Karen!

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ErikaMC September 12, 2014 at 2:46 pm

If you are that unhappy with how this person makes you feel than you should unfollow. I’m sure we’ve all been there – somebody else makes us feel less and bad about our selves so the best thing to do for ourselves is to get rid of the problem. On the flip side, what if you are that perfect person to somebody else? I’ll admit when I read your after birth story and could feel how great you felt just by reading it I thought “why didn’t I feel like that after birth” and I’m not meaning to say that to put you down in any way and I never once thought about unfollowing you but just know that we can choose how we react to these “perfect” people and maybe we can use them as motivation instead? Though I truly agree that those pinterest-perfect moms make me want to shoot my eyes out.

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Kim September 13, 2014 at 4:16 pm

That’s a great point. I wish I hadn’t made you feel that way about my recovery :( … it seriously feels like the one and only thing I got lucky on. Definitely no perfection here!

Thank you for your perspective!

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Katie@LifesNextBigStep September 12, 2014 at 2:40 pm

You must be talking about me…….hahahaha just kidding, not even close! But in all seriousness, it seems like you are already leaning towards unfollowing anyway, and really truly there is no reason to give yourself any grief regarding how quickly (or not so quickly) your body bounces back. If following this person will make you doubt yourself or question if you are doing things right, then I 100% say unfollow, at least for now. Revisit the person in 6 months or a year to check in, but with everything you’ve got going on, added stress from social media is unnecessary. Instead, you should follow me and watch me get large (pregnant with number 2, due in January), transition from full time working mom to full time stay at home mom, and then struggle to get the weight off afterwards ;) I can assure you it will be more entertaining than offputting :)
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Kim September 13, 2014 at 4:18 pm

Haha, now that is something I can relate to! Congrats on baby 2 and the decision to stay home! You’ll do awesome with all of it–and I’ll totally be following! :)

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Megan September 12, 2014 at 1:16 pm

Just unfollow! I definitely go through follow purges and feel great after. Usually its the Pinterest Perfect moms that get the boot. I love them all. They’re nice and very inspiring…but then I’m like “Why isn’t your house covered in sticky and why do your kids have pants on?” I’m obviously failing because I don’t have every Melissa & Doug puzzle and my kids play a little too much video games because mamma needs time to read blogs every now and then…and now I’m rambling…

If someone isn’t bringing positive vibes into your life then kick them out. Especially if it’s not someone you know personally. It is hard to not compare yourself. Abs are overrated.
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Kim September 13, 2014 at 4:21 pm

Great points, Megan, thank you!

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Claire September 12, 2014 at 12:59 pm

I struggle with people that make their life look so “perfect”…even if I might be a tad jealous and also truly like them, it’s tough. BUT, we all know that when someone’s life appears to be perfect, something is going unseen! Just like more money brings you more happiness…I defintiely believe it can bring more problems. Try not to compare yourself to her, don’t be hard on yourself and just think about how lucky you are to have two adorable healthy boys. I know it’s easier said than done but just writing this to you is also a good reminder to myself to think these thoughts!!
Maybe temporarily block her, even if you’re tempted to peak now and again, don’t make it a daily thing! :)
Enjoy your weekend…any fun plans? (as fun as they can be with a baby and toddler lol). We are going to attempt the apple orchard, it will be short lived but I need some hot cider:)

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Kim September 13, 2014 at 4:24 pm

Thanks Claire! Man, I thought I dealt with the comparison problem pre-kids, but it’s a whole new ballgame once you’re a mom!

Did you end up going to an apple orchard?? We checked out Sutter’s Ridge and it was great! Very toddler friendly.

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Claire September 13, 2014 at 7:56 pm

We went to Appleberry farm in Cross Plains :)…looks like Sutters was fun!

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Jade September 12, 2014 at 11:47 am

I just want to give you a hug! I hate the comparison game but it’s just what we all do. Especially in this ‘post-partum’ time, we are way more sensitive and I always have to remind myself that everyone is different – their support system, their birth, their kid, I have to really stop trying to compare myself to anyone else as my situation is unique. Even this pregnancy, I have been lazy. Not necessarily by choice (although I’ll admit is a choice) but I feel like I have no time in the day between work, first kiddo, and exhaustion, to work out. I am curious to see how my upcoming labor goes and if it is like prior or what. For un-following, I usually stop looking at sites that make me feel bitter about my situation and life. I hate to stop completely ever, but you may just need a hiatus from that site. For what it is worth, I think you are doing amazing.
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Kim September 13, 2014 at 4:28 pm

YES I have to remind myself about everyone being different constantly! Looking forward to hearing about your birth…! Good luck!!

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Emily @ More Than Just Dessert September 12, 2014 at 11:29 am

I think if it’s causing you unhappiness, there is no foul in just backing off from reading a blog for awhile! I’ve had this happen on facebook…where i’ll be scrolling through my newsfeed and subconciously comparing myself to everyone in my feed and I’ll admit it gets my down. The quote “comparison is the thief of joy” is so true. You have a lot of exciting things going on and just because you back away from reading for awhile doesn’t mean you can’t go back someday!
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Kim September 13, 2014 at 4:29 pm

Very true, thanks Emily!

Hope everything’s going well with your new life! :)

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Katie September 15, 2014 at 8:42 am

Jumping in with Em, I’ve had some people who don’t make me happy in my newsfeed lately (totally because of my thoughts, not because they are doing something wrong) if I don’t know them, or don’t have a close relationship, I unfollow. If drama could be started because I’m no longer following them, I mute them if the social media allows, or if I just need a little break and they’re a blogger, I just don’t save their posts to read later. I love how transparent you are, keep up the good work!
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Alysia @ Slim Sanity September 12, 2014 at 11:20 am

There’s no harm in doing whatever you need to do to! If something triggers a negative emotional feeling, you probably shouldn’t be looking at it. I unfollowed some people and magazine that keep advertising ‘quick fix’ and ‘6 minute ab’ type stuff, anything that as you say before seems too perfect or good to be true.
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Kim September 13, 2014 at 4:30 pm

Good points. I might just need a little social media diet. :)

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