You Might Have a Newborn If…

by Kim on March 30, 2012

  • You crave an outing so bad that you jump at the chance to return a movie.
  • You cry inconsolably when your husband comes home with Crest instead of Colgate. He knows you like the whitening kind!
  • You still look about 3-4 months pregnant, but when you look in the mirror, you can’t help thinking “DANG, I’m skinny!”
  • You warm up the same cup of coffee 8 times and never actually drink it.
  • You cry inconsolably when you receive a nice card in the mail.
  • You are crazy busy, but also feel like you’ve done nothing all day.
  • You read that last sentence 3 times and still don’t know what it said.
  • You cry inconsolably when you realize it’s trash day and you totally forgot.
  • You’ve watched 12 episodes of House Hunters today and don’t remember a thing about any of them. (Or was it Barefoot Contessa you were watching?)
  • You start getting nervous around the same time every evening, dreading whatever horrors the baby has in store for you that night.
  • You have half a beer and feel like you could fly.
  • You cry inconsolably when your baby cries for >10 seconds.
  • You slug around in your PJs all day and then shower and apply makeup ten minutes before your visitors arrive. They comment on your superhuman powers and you wave a hand at them.
  • You envision yourself falling dramatically and your heart beats a little faster every time you walk down the stairs in slippers carrying your baby.
  • You get 4 hours of sleep in a row and start drafting your plan for taking over the world.
  • You cry inconsolably when…well, nothing in particular happens.


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